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Business Turkey! August 21, 2017

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Brain Glitches, Humor.
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1 comment so far

A story, and a look at the ways each of our brains are working differently, even when we think we are talking about the same thing.

A little while back my spouse, UbiDubiKid#1 and UbiDubiKid#2 were meeting me at my office, and then we were going to go somewhere for lunch.  I got a call on my office phone from my spouse: “Hi, we’re here. Do you want to meet us outside at the car?”  But then there was a voice in the background on the phone, one of the UbiDubiKids calling out “BUSINESS TURKEY!!!!”  And then my spouse said “Oh, wait, never mind, we’ll come in.”

Wut?

Once they came in, I got the explanation.  They had stopped at Costco on the way to my office, and had bought a 3-pack of sliced turkey.  They needed to leave it in the fridge at my office while we were at lunch, instead of leaving it in the hot car.  How to remember to do this?  UbiDubiKid#1 had suggested imagining a “business turkey” as a mnemonic, to help remember to do this.

As we were headed to lunch, over much laughter, we talked about what just happened.  As we talked, we realized that each of us had a different conception in their heads of what a “business turkey” was.  UbiDubiKid#1 had imagined a live turkey wearing a business suit.  UbiDubiKid#2 had envisioned a dead frozen turkey, wearing the suit.  I had also imagined a dead turkey, but roasted and stuffed and ready to eat, in a business suit.  And my spouse had imagined the package of sliced turkey itself  in the suit.

Now this made the whole thing even funnier, and it’s been a running joke in the family ever since.  We can say the same thing, but the thoughts going on behind it are totally different.  Brains are weird.

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Fun personal questions February 21, 2017

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Questions, Responses.
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9 comments

The Shameful Sheep posted a set of questions that are pretty much just light and fun personal stuff. Since I can use some light and fun right now, I thought I’d do them.  If you like substance in your blog reading, you might want to skip this one.

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Big Game Leftovers February 7, 2017

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor.
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2 comments

Continuing the quest to cheer myself up, I continue my tribute to that most wonderful of websites: CakeWrecks.

Today I walked to the local grocery to pick up a salad for lunch, and as usual I checked the marked down bakery shelf to see if there was anything not too stale for a reasonable price.  I’m so glad I did.  It was full of sad, lonely Superbowl Big Game cakes, that had not sold for what will be obvious reasons. I didn’t have my phone with me to snap photos, so I had to bring the two worst offenders home with me.  Not that they cost much, they were 75% off.

pair-of-cakes

These deserve their own closeups:

go-folcons

Sad color, a mysterious yellow icing blob on one side, and “Go Folcons”?  Or is that “Go Folcone”?

And then:

super-something

Well alrighty then.  This is a bit brighter, and might be spelled correctly.  Once again, there’s a mysterious yellow icing blob on one side.   At first I thought that rectangle might have been meant to be a sportsball field, but then I realized that it says “LI” on a white background smudged in red, with red, white and blue sprinkles, leaving it barely legible.  And the rest of the cake has star shaped sprinkles.  Because everything is better with sprinkles!

They may be sad, but we’re still going to eat them!

Thanksgiving…urm…tradition November 24, 2016

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor.
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5 comments

I’m going to try to lighten up, and at least act like I’m feeling better.  (Even if I’m not.)

So I’m going to give my personal hat tip to one of my favorite websites, that always makes Thanksgiving more memorable.  That website, of course, is Cake Wrecks.  Because somehow, one of the things that can lift my spirits is a really ineptly decorated cake.

And every year at this time, Cake Wrecks posts bakeries’ attempts to create turkey cakes.  But, since they always use brown icing, the head and neck of the turkey usually come out looking like poo.  But sometimes they make it extra special, and they give us –

The traditional thanksgiving poo-wang.  Please visit Cake Wrecks today for a splendid selection of these.

Well, a couple of days ago, I was at a Giant Food supermarket near my office, and I decided to check out the bakery, and was not disappointed.

While not as spectacular as the ones on Cake Wrecks, I certainly got a smile out of what I found, so I snapped a couple of photos of the good ones.

turkey-poo-wang-2

Like winky here.

 

turkey-poo-wang-1

Or this.  I’m not sure what is happening here.  I like the Cookie Monster eyes, but I’m having trouble figuring out what is going on with the beak.  It seems to be dribbling down his chin.

Hope everybody ate pie today!

Share your world – questions November 2, 2016

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Questions.
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3 comments

Godless Cranium found a fun prompt at Cee’s Photography, with some personal questions to answer that are a little more fun than the usual stuff I see.  So I thought I’d give them a stab.

What was your favorite subject in school?

Anything but P.E.  I didn’t care for writing much, either.  It’s not that I hated actually writing, it’s just that what we were writing about was usually so boring, and I could never figure out exactly what the teachers were looking for.  So I was putting in the amount of work that should have gotten A’s, but still often getting B’s.

Anything to do with music was always a favorite.  But a good teacher could make up for boring material in most other classes.

If you could have a servant come to your house every day for two hours, what would you have them do?

Clean.  Vacuum, sweep, mop, clean toilets, scrub out the fridge, then vacuum again because the cat will have shed all over the carpet since the first vacuuming.

Where did you live when you were in the third grade of school?  Is it the same place or town you live now?

Grew up in the DC suburbs, and now live in a different part of the DC suburbs, but in a place that’s a lot like the place I grew up.  I’ve lived elsewhere, but this is where I wanted to raise my children, because the schools are so good here.

In your opinion, list some places that are great for shopping?

Ethnic stores!  In my area they are the place for spices, seafood and produce.  In my neighborhood I have a choice of two full-size Korean supermarkets, and the regular supermarkets can’t come close for those items.  Plus they have samples on the weekends, and that’s such fun.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful that we’re almost done with these friggin elections. And I’m grateful for the people like Samantha Bee and John Oliver that can help me laugh instead of screaming.

Craft Project for Halloween July 24, 2016

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Crafts.
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4 comments

I love making stuff.  I can knit, crochet, quilt, cross-stitch, sew, bead, and I’m generally game to tackle any sort of craft that doesn’t require heavy equipment.  (No space for that in my house.)  With working full-time, I can’t really take on any big projects these days, so I’ve tended towards smaller stuff.  Socks instead of sweaters, that idea.  Well, October of last year I had an idea for a project I wanted to do.  But I needed realistic looking eyeballs to make it work, and I couldn’t find them anywhere.  Even online all I could find was clearly fake cartoonish ones, bleah.

So I decided that if I needed realistic fake eyeballs for this year, I’d need to make them myself.  Sorry I don’t have every step-by step photo of this, but I didn’t think to  take photos until I was nearly done.

I started with some cheap ping-pong balls.  A box of six was plenty.

Cheap Ass Ping Pong Balls

Using an x-acto knife I carefully scraped off the logo from each.  I wanted them to be as translucent as possible, so I cut them in half with the same knife, giving me two nice white hemispheres from each.  Then from Google I found a page of realistic irises and printed them out in color.

 

Eyeballs for Halloween

I carefully cut out the irises I wanted, and cut several radial slits into each to accommodate the curve of the ball.  I suppose you should probably use mod-podge to glue them onto the top of each hemisphere, but what I had on hand was regular glue-all and that worked fine.

But that’s not realistic looking enough – eyes have veins in the white parts.  So I got out two colors of red yarn,

Yarn and Clear Nail Polish and took a small snip from each and teased them out into individual fibers.  Then I coated the rest of the surface of the ping-pong ball with a thin coat of glue and laid just a few fibers into it.  Tweezers were good for this.  Once this all dried here’s the result:

closeup unpolished

 

Pretty good, but not shiny enough to look real.  So I added two coats of clear nail polish to the whole thing, and then another coat for the iris.  Here’s one completed:

closeup shiny

 

Just what I was after!  This isn’t cartoony at all, so the creepiness factor is much better.  I made a dozen of these, all different colors:

Eyeballs

So what are they all for?  Let’s just say I’m planning to have the most unsettling Jack-o-Lantern in the neighborhood this year!  If it comes out well I’ll post a picture of it then.

The most famous person… December 30, 2015

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Games, Humor.
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7 comments

I was reading Danielwalldammit’s blog today, a tribute to Lemmy Kilmister, and this sentence jumped at me:

Lemmy is probably the most famous person ever to speak to me. It was after a concert. The man walked by and said; “covered in fucking blood, eh?”

That got me thinking.  A lot of people probably have a good story to tell about a famous person speaking to them and what they said.

Here’s my challenge:  Who’s the most famous person to speak to you? Can you remember what they said, or tell us something interesting about the encounter?  Let’s rule out times when you were part of an audience, those are too easy and generic and shouldn’t count.  Only times when some well-known person was speaking directly to you.

I’ll start, I have at least two.  (Maybe I’ll think of more later.)

Gary Sinise said to me, “Be careful, the stage is slippery!”

Alex Trebek asked me, “Do you think it will show on camera that I’m not wearing shoes?”

Let’s hear yours!

Which church was that again? November 24, 2015

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor, UbiDubiKids.
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7 comments

UbiDubikid#2 got a wonderful letter from her school yesterday.  I’ve redacted the personal details to avoid embarrassing anybody, but the typo in this is too good not to share:

Moron Letter

At least I assume it was a typo.  This just made my day!

I love Cake Wrecks October 3, 2014

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor.
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2 comments

OK, I have to admit something.  Even with all of the serious blogs that I follow, every morning I have to see the new post at Cake Wrecks.

http://cakewrecks.squarespace.com/

Whenever I feel inadequate, I just look at the parade of misspellings, ineptitude and bad communication there and I feel much better.  So in loving tribute, I present a few wrecks I have found myself.

When I’m out shopping with my daughters in a store that has a bakery, they always make sure we stop by the cake display, looking for wreckery.  And surprisingly often we find it!  My phone’s battery is none too reliable, so I don’t always manage to get photos, but I caught a couple yesterday.

It’s the season for bad pumpkin cakes, and this one did not disappoint:

Pumpkin

I think it’s trying to escape over the side.  Are those tentacles?

And balloon cakes so often come out badly.  They look like sperm, or deflated sacks, or just blobs of icing.  But this is the first time I’ve seen balloons with nipples:

Balloons with nipples

 

And my spouse caught a few photos for me last fall.  These might be good enough for the real Cake Wrecks, so I sent them in. (Fingers crossed that they get used someday.)

Rah Rah Rah! Go Washington’s local NFL team!   The name’s not so offensive if you spell it this way, right?

Reskins_Green

 

Is this the direction their season is going to go?  Am I looking at this right?

Reskins_Arrow

And check out those yard lines – how hard is it to pipe a simple line?

And my favorite:

Exif_JPEG_422

This just has so much going on.  It’s shaped like a football, nice touch, but how old is this cake  that the icing could crack open like that?  And then of course the team name is misspelled twice, just in case you missed it the first time.  And I think that those stripes on the end are supposed to be the team colors of burgundy and gold, but all I see is bacon.  Cake with bacon.

 
None of these quite make me laugh as hard as Falker Satherhood, but they’re not bad considering the sample size I have to work with.

God, you’re fired! August 2, 2013

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor, Questions, Responses.
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16 comments

Over on her blog, Astreja asked this question:

Armed only with a vivid imagination, assume the persona of a god and come up with one or more god-like responses….We hear about gods who hear the *thud* of the sparrow when it hits the living room window, chirps feebly and staggers off muttering rude things about the idiot who left the drapes open.  Then there are the gods lurking “outside time and space,” wherever the Sam Hill that’s supposed to be, supposedly controlling reality without actually touching it.  Finally, there are the gods who do things like wandering into the Inn and starting a riot, or arguing with a tree…. Where do you fit on this continuum?

http://springygoddess.blogspot.com/2013/07/think-like-god-day-2013-hiding-in-plain.html

So that got me thinking, if there actually were a god, and I could fire him and take his place, what would I do?  And could I do a better job?  So here’s my “perfect plan”:

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