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They just don’t wanna do it July 2, 2020

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Rants, Responses.
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As many of my readers may know, I’m a big fan of the blog Roll to Disbelieve.

The blogger, Captain Cassidy, writes very well, and posts pretty much every day now.  As good as her writing ordinarily is, every so often she comes up with a gem that I want to remember for future reference.  Last month, in a post she wrote about the endtimes, she included two lists, and they are so wonderful that I wanted to write about them, mostly so I could find them again whenever I wanted.

The first list is stuff that Jesus actually told his followers to do: (more…)

Which church was that again? November 24, 2015

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor, UbiDubiKids.
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UbiDubikid#2 got a wonderful letter from her school yesterday.  I’ve redacted the personal details to avoid embarrassing anybody, but the typo in this is too good not to share:

Moron Letter

At least I assume it was a typo.  This just made my day!

Basilica of the Shrine of Our Lady of Conspicuous Consumption November 17, 2014

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Rants.
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I spent part of this past weekend at an event at, get ready for it, the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. No expense has been spared in making this the most ostentatious show of piety possible.  This is one of the largest churches in the world, built in a Byzantine style with small windows and lots of domes,  and the interior is completely covered with expensive polished marble, and mosaics.

And not just your average mosaics, either.  For a lot of them, the background is done in clear glass backed by gold leaf, so that it glitters.  The place full of nooks and chapels, each of which has some statue or icon or glittery mosaic, and the open spaces are likewise filled with statuary and memorials.  (And places where you can pay to light candles.  In the center of the basement is a big rack where they ask $4.00 to light one candle.)  There are walls full of engraved names of the people who donated money to build this thing.

The people around me were Oooohing and Aaaahing about how pretty and impressive this place was.  Since I was a guest there, I did a good job of holding my tongue, but I just wanted to scream.  Or maybe hurl.  Or both.  Here’s a religion where the founder made a point of being humble, told his followers not to make a show of public prayer, and to sell all they had and give it to the poor, and this is what they build?  A monument to the wealth of their bureaucracy?  All the time I was there, I kept thinking “They could have spent a tenth as much, built themselves a really nice church, and then spent the rest on low-income housing.  Or feeding the poor.  Or buying a mosquito net for every person in Africa, with enough left over to, I don’t know, cure AIDS or something.”

Right at the front of the church is a huge mosaic of Jesus.  Not the normal catholic Dead Jesus on a Stick.  Not comforting Good Shepherd Jesus welcoming believers into paradise.  No, this is Angry Nordic Flaming Jesus!  This is what stares down on the congregation:

Grovel to me, or I will hurt you forever

Grovel to me, or I will hurt you forever

That mosaic can best be appreciated in context – here’s what it looks like from the seats:

Is this really necessary?

Is this really necessary?

Now my general opinion of gods is that they are projections of the human ego, ourselves – just bigger and more powerful.  That’s why they have wants and needs, and why their opinions line up so neatly with what their followers already think.  Then we build big pointy temples to them to glorify our egos, often as if we’re compensating for something.  The men (and I’m pretty sure it’s men in this case) who built this monstrosity certainly seem to have a lot to compensate for!

There was one mosaic that I didn’t completely hate.  I think they meant it as “The creation of the world”, or some such, but I’m going to call it “The FSM Drops the First Two Strippers into the Beer Volcano.”

Creation beer volcano

Marking Territory, making a meme October 23, 2014

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor, Rants.
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I’ve been playing around with this idea for a meme, but I’m not sure I have the text just right.  I want to give this the right punch, and be clear with the message I am sending.

Here’s what I have so far, and I’d love suggestions if you can think of better captions for this, or any other revisions this needs.


Bring a Church Bulletin, get a discount! October 12, 2014

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Humor.
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Every so often, I’ll see a story about some business or other offering a discount or a free ticket on Sunday, if you bring your church bulletin.  Of course this discriminates against people who don’t go to church.  And every time I see one of those stories I think “There really ought to be a church bulletin that non-church-goers could just pull up online, insert their location and date, print out, and get those same discounts.  I should do something about that”

Well, I’ve finally gotten around to doing something about that.  I’ve created a Pastafarian Church Bulletin, and included as many of the regular churchy elements as I could think of, including cheesy clip-art and Latin mumbo-jumbo.  This is a fillable .pdf form, so you can put in your City and State, and the date.  Print it double sided (flip on short end if your printer can do 2-sided printing) and fold it in half, and you’re ready to go.  (Use pastel colored paper if you have it!)

Fillable PDF:  FSM Church Bulletin

Here’s a preview of what it looks like:

Pastafarian Church Bulletin_Page_1

Pastafarian Church Bulletin_Page_2

If you use this anywhere and get a good reaction, please let me know!