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They just don’t wanna do it July 2, 2020

Posted by Ubi Dubium in Rants, Responses.
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As many of my readers may know, I’m a big fan of the blog Roll to Disbelieve.

The blogger, Captain Cassidy, writes very well, and posts pretty much every day now.  As good as her writing ordinarily is, every so often she comes up with a gem that I want to remember for future reference.  Last month, in a post she wrote about the endtimes, she included two lists, and they are so wonderful that I wanted to write about them, mostly so I could find them again whenever I wanted.

The first list is stuff that Jesus actually told his followers to do:

Jesus’ real-world demands

  • Always keep your word and be honest (Matthew 5:37)
  • Never resist evil: turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-42)
  • Give way more than asked (also Matthew 5:38-42)
  • Love your enemies, bless anyone who curses you, and do good things for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44-46)
  • Give charity, pray, and fast in secret (Matthew 6:1-8)
  • Never judge anybody (Matthew 7:1-3)
  • Honor your parents (Matthew 15:4)
  • Forever and infinitely, forgive anyone who offends you (Matthew 18:21-22)
  • Don’t divorce (Matthew 19:4-6)
  • Be kind to the poor (Luke 14:12-14)
  • Honor your civic obligations (Matthew 22:19-21)
  • Cut off limbs and other body parts involved in your wrongdoing (Matthew 5:28-30)

Some of that is actually pretty good stuff.  But none of it reflects the way modern christians, at least the evangelical ones, behave.  They behave as though there were a completely different list of stuff that their god ordered them to do, and here is Cassidy’s list of those things:

The Substitutes

  • Going to church
  • Worship
  • Praying
  • Spiritual disciplines (e.g., fasting)
  • Bible study
  • Voting Republican
  • Going on spiritual retreats
  • Reading religious books
  • Arguing with evolutionists
  • Sending your child to a Christian school or providing education at home
  • Using religious language
  • Avoiding R-rated movies
  • Not reading Harry Potter

Now I would modify her entry “praying” and change it to “praying loudly and publicly, making sure that you are seen doing it.”

I might add “having a Jesus fish on your car” and “obsessing about other people’s sex lives” to this list of substitutes as well.  Does anybody have any other substitutes to add?

And my thoughts about the christians who rely on these substitutes instead of doing what their “infallible” book tells them to do are best summed up in a quote from Stephen Colbert:

Captain Cassidy’s original Post

Comments»

1. Nan - July 2, 2020

Is there a way to “follow” Cassidy without getting notifications of ALL the Patheos contributor posts?

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Ubi Dubium - July 2, 2020

Dunno. I just have her blog bookmarked, and check it at least once a day. I haven’t tried officially following it.

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Neil Rickert - July 2, 2020

I “follow” in my RSS reader, but I have never clicked the “follow” button.

Liked by 2 people

2. jim- - July 2, 2020

More substitutes— reading commentary and watching videos. Thats the real liturgy now.

Liked by 2 people

3. makagutu - July 3, 2020

On the poor, i think they follow the other statement of Jesus quite closely. “The poor you’ll always have”

Liked by 1 person

4. Liberated - July 3, 2020

I’ll also add ‘judging anyone who doesn’t go to the same denomination of church as you’. The going to church one always struck me as interesting. It’s like more emphasis is put on church attendance than what you actually accomplish from it (which is usually not much…).

Liked by 2 people

5. cag - July 3, 2020

Before quoting what Jesus said, it would be advisable to establish that Jesus actually existed.

Liked by 1 person

Ubi Dubium - July 3, 2020

Whether he existed or not, that’s the stuff that christians think he said. So that’s the standard I would expect to be able to hold them to.

Liked by 1 person

cag - July 3, 2020

Agreed. It is also certain that most of them were verbally informed, with its attendant warpage (telephone game). Only a few of them actually read the fairy tale, the others adjusted the words to fit their wants.

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