“So You’re Going on a Mission!” Roommates August 27, 2016Posted by Ubi Dubium in Books, Humor, Responses.
Tags: books, christianity, habits, list, missionaries, Mormons, religion, roommates, stupidity
Continuing with the chapter-by-chapter dissection of the 1968 guide for prospective Mormon Missionaries.
Chapter 12, Companion Care
The chapter begins:
Sooner or later every missionary will find that his mission life is a mixture of good days and bad, success and disappointment, give and take. (page 101)
Let’s fix that:
Sooner or later every
missionaryperson will find that his missionlife is a mixture of good days and bad, success and disappointment, give and take.
This chapter is about getting along with assigned companions, and in general has a lot of good advice about getting along with people.
I’ve been looking at the stress level for these youngsters, who are thrown into a strange place, cut off from family and friends, and expected to sell religion door-to-door, not to mention the expectation of perfect clothes and grooming, clean quarters, and impeccable table manners. Now add the additional stress of being assigned to spend 24 hours a day with a stranger. This is worse than college roommates, because you can spend most of your time away from your college roommate if you need to. These companions are expected to spend every minute of every day together, except for using the bathroom. Like this:
“If, without warning, he jumps off his bike and runs into a store, you have no choice but to follow him.” (pg 102)
Not just wait outside the store for him, follow him. At this rate, they might as well be handcuffed together. Is there any mention that the people in charge are making any effort to team up people who might be compatible? Nope. How about a provision for requesting a change of companion if two completely incompatible people have been assigned together? Nope, not mentioned either. But she does talk for several paragraphs about ways that companions might clash. An example:
“You may be a “gourmet” while your companion takes constant delight in smothering his meat with jam.”(pg 102)
But the author does make some good points about the value of learning to get along with people. The skills they learn in getting along with their randomly assigned companion will probably serve them well in getting along with future spouses, employers, and coworkers. So among all the pointless things these kids are expected to do during this two-year hazing, this actually has a use in their later lives.
She helpfully points out is that it’s a good idea to avoid being annoying, and to be aware of things that others find annoying. And she provides a helpful and lengthy list, which is so wonderful that I’m going to include the whole thing here.
“Fifty personal habits which have proved to be annoying are:
- Leaving hair in the washbasin.
- Squeezing a tube of toothpaste the wrong way or leaving the cap off.
- Not cleaning out the bathtub.
- Not putting away personal toilet articles.
- Using companion’s towel, washcloth and even toothbrush.
- Staying in the bathroom for long periods of time; using all the hot water.
- Leaving washcloth in the tub.
- Not knowing when it is time to take a bath.
- Kicking off shoes and leaving them in the middle of the floor.
- Acting undignified; slouching on couch, crossing legs so that hairy legs show.
- Yawning without covering your mouth.
- Not making your bed.
- Dropping clothes on the floor.
- Picking teeth with fingers.
- Being bossy and telling the other how to cook.
- Eating like a horse.
- Placing elbows on table while eating.
- Slurping soup.
- Not accepting responsibility for cooking meals according to schedule.
- Not washing the dishes right after a meal but waiting until everything is dirty and then doing them; failing to wash dishes really clean.
- Dressing in poor taste.
- Indulging in such bothering mannerisms as sniffing or clearing throat.
- Using poor English such as “ain’t,” “he done,” “we wuz,” etc.
- Being slouchy and lazy.
- Borrowing clothes or money; “what’s yours is mine” attitude.
- Not obeying mission rules (i.e. leaving city without permission).
- Wasting time by making unnecessary trips to shopping centers, banks, etc.
- Being stingy with money.
- Being wasteful with money. (Leaving lights, heat and water on, leaving iron on and refrigerator door open; using too much toilet paper, etc.)
- Tapping foot on floor or pencil on a book.
- Being selfish; having a “what’s in it for me” attitude.
- Saying one’s home town is better than companion’s.
- Being bullheaded and set in ways.
- Kidding when companion doesn’t know how to take it.
- Being opinionated – “a know it all” who can’t listen.
- Having a habit of being late for everything.
- Being selfish and ungrateful; not doing anything for anyone, or if companion does something for you, doing it over.
- Humming in a subdued tone.
- Being noisy if you get up earlier or stay up later than your companion.
- Interrupting others; monopolizing conversations.
- Belittling member’s superstitions even if done jokingly; imitating member’s mannerisms or voice peculiarities.
- Being overly sensitive.
- Acting spoiled.
- Complaining about everything.
- Correcting a companion in front of others.
- Criticizing, insulting, or finding fault with a companion.
- Taking an hour to polish shoes while companion sits and waits.
- Carrying a chip on your shoulder.
- Having the “I” disease: “I” made this baptism, “I” got this contact, instead of “we.” (pp 103-4)
I find it interesting that all these are thrown in together in no particular order, and that major rule breaking is not given any more emphasis than subdued humming. And things you can’t help, like snoring, are lumped in with easily corrected irritants like soup slurping and leaving hair in the sink.
A lot of this chapter sounds like it could have been written by a professional counselor, and has some really good advice. (Surprise!) Like this section:
“…you must first learn to accept the fact that conflict is normal. Then you must learn how to disagree without being disagreeable. You must be able to recognize the difference between frankness and rudeness. You must be able to explain something without sounding superior. You must give more than you take. You must try to forget little differences of opinion quickly once they are resolved.” (pg 107)
But not all of the chapter comes up to this standard. Remember in the chapter on table manners, where there was advice to lie to your hostess? And to avoid telling them directly when you aren’t allowed to eat something, or don’t like their food? Well this chapter has a heavy dose of advice about how to use passive-aggressive manipulation on your companion.
“If you can’t teach through example, perhaps you can through suggestion: “Shall we cook a big dinner tonight?” “Shall we make our beds before we eat breakfast?” “Shall we adjust the schedule so that we can get our hair cut today?” Or perhaps you can teach through exaggeration. If your companion leaves one light on, accentuate the problem by turning all the lights on. Or sometimes you can embarrass a companion into doing what’s right. Make his bed for him when he doesn’t do it himself. Pick up after him and hang his clothes up when he forgets to do so.” (pg 110)
I know if I had a roommate who was obsessed with always having the beds made, and they started making my bed for me, you know what I’d do? I’d let them! It’s obvious that they care more about it than I do, and if that’s the way they want to spend their time, them good for them.
And of course there’s a hefty emphasis on the overwhelming niceness that seems to pervade Mormonism.
“But remember, there are not likely to be so many problems if you reduce friction by consistently oiling the machinery with a mixture of the five C’s: Cheerfulness, Compliments, Courtesy, Consideration and Compromise.” (pg 111)
And, of course, the religious answer to any problem is to focus on the religion harder, because they aren’t allowed to consider that religion is the root cause of any of their problems.
“Every morning before you leave your living quarters to begin the day’s work take hold of your companion’s hand and tell him that you love him and that you are both doing the work which is right, and that the gospel is true. Pray together every morning and every evening for a mutual understanding; then shake hands afterwards. Remember, the more diligently you proselyte the less time you’ll have for pettiness, because little things have a way of adding up when you are not doing the job and when you don’t have the missionary spirit.” (pg 112)
(You know, when things are actually true, it’s not necessary to constantly remind each other of this. I spent plenty of time around scientists in college, and I never had any of them feel the need to reassure me that gravity was true, or that electrons exist. I never had a music class where we worried about proving the existence of music. I didn’t have to get together every morning with my classmates to reassure each other about the fact that computers were real.)
So, to sum up, if missionaries are not getting along with their completely aggravating roommates that they must live with 24 hours a day, the solution includes being passive-aggressive about chores, working themselves to exhaustion, and obsessing about religion. Yeah, that’ll work.