“So You’re Going on a Mission” Squeaky Clean! August 23, 2016Posted by Ubi Dubium in Books, Humor, Responses.
Tags: christianity, grooming, laundry, missionaries, Mormons, religion, stupidity
Continuing on with the chapter-by chapter review of the 1968 handbook for prospective Mormon Missionaries:
Chapter 10, Grooming Care
This chapter is really short compared to the chapter on table manners. Most of it is just the usual nagging-mother litany of take a bath, comb your hair, brush your teeth, use deodorant, put on a clean shirt, shine your shoes, get that dirt out from under your nails, smile, and for goodness sake don’t slouch. Nothing that these kids’ moms haven’t been telling them for years.
But there are a couple of gems here:
“Once upon a time a lady opened her door, looked a Mormon missionary up and down, and then commented: “My but your shoes are shiny. Why don’t you come in?” (pg 90)
And then there’s this puzzling metaphor:
“Carry a clean handkerchief, but don’t use it for nose-blowing. An elder who pulls out a dirty handkerchief to wipe the perspiration off his head and neck slides down his totem pole with a bang.”(pg 91)
I don’t know what that means either.
But the other part to having that squeaky-clean Mormon image is making sure those blindingly white shirts stay that way. So let’s go on to:
Chapter 11, Clothes Care
Most of this chapter is a laundry list of laundry tips. Also included is other advice on clothing care, like three paragraphs about deciding whether or not to darn your socks.
There’s lots of tips for stain removal, including a suggestion to use Goddards Dry Clean on food stains. I hadn’t heard of that! So it looked it up. It was removed from the market a few years ago because the ingredients were hazardous. Or how about this tip:
“Shoe Polish Take off with rubbing alcohol or carbon tetrachloride. (pg 97)”
Wait what? I’ve never seen carbon tetrachloride for sale as a stain remover. I’ve never seen it for sale at all! So I looked it up. Turns out that it’s a nasty chemical indeed; exposure can cause many physical problems including nerve damage and acute liver failure. It’s use as a drycleaning solvent was discontinued in the 1950’s and it was banned in consumer products completely in 1970. So her information was already way out of date when this book was published, and she was recommending a hazardous chemical as a household laundry product.
“Many missionaries save themselves a considerable amount of money by taking advantage of self-service dry cleaning.” (pg 97)
Is that still even a thing? Again, I’ve never heard of this. Back to some research. Apparently coin-operated drycleaning machines were introduced in 1960, and still exist. Perchloroethylene is the main solvent used in drycleaning, and has been since 1948. But it’s use is beginning to be phased out now – turns out it’s a central nervous system depressant and probably a carcinogen! It’s better to leave the drycleaning to the professionals.
Most of the rest is pretty ordinary stuff, like how to wash and block a sweater, or how to iron if you don’t have an ironing board. Pretty boring, so that’s enough of this chapter. Next time – how to get along with your assigned companions!