Pastafarian Blasphemy February 17, 2016Posted by Ubi Dubium in Rants.
Tags: blasphemy, cheese, FDA, FSM, parmesan
For a long time I’ve maintained that there isn’t really any way to blaspheme the FSM because He isn’t jealous and doesn’t really mind if you don’t believe in Him. Except that there is only really one blasphemy, and that’s the dry sandy “parmesan cheese” that comes in a can.
I have been vindicated! Look at this article:
Yes, that’s right! The stuff in the bottle might not be Parmesan, might not be cheese, and might not even be food.
Actual grated cheese is allowed to have a small percentage of cellulose (that’s sawdust) added to prevent caking. 2%-4% is acceptable, and I don’t have a problem with that, since sawdust isn’t toxic. Apparently, on a tip-off, the FDA made a surprise inspection of the Castle “Cheese” factory in PA.
According to the FDA’s report on Castle, obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, “no parmesan cheese was used to manufacture” the Market Pantry brand 100% grated Parmesan Cheese, sold at Target Corp. stores, and Always Save Grated Parmesan Cheese and Best Choice 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese, sold by Associated Wholesale Grocers Inc., which along with its subsidiaries supplies 3,400 retail stores in 30 states. Instead, there was a mixture of Swiss, mozzarella, white cheddar and cellulose, according to the FDA.
Yes, the 100% Parmesan Cheese they were making contained no actual Parmesan Cheese. So how much of the product was wood pulp? The article doesn’t give that information about Castle, but Bloomberg did send some chain-store “cheese” to a lab to see how much cellulose was present:
Essential Everyday 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese, from Jewel-Osco, was 8.8 percent cellulose, while Wal-Mart Stores Inc.’s Great Value 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese registered 7.8 percent, according to test results.
So I was right. Do not buy the dry-sand-in-a-can that purports to be cheese. Get it out of your fridge; keep it safely away from your Pasta.